Keep it loose

"Sometimes we forget who we've got--Who they are, and who they are not."  Thus sings Amos Lee in the song "Keep it loose, Keep it tight."  Certainly not an Earth shatteringly insightful line of prose, but then again if we want cerebral displays of written virtuosity we read obscure poetry (that most of us cannot understand--myself included).  The poetry of every day life is most available in music.  I don't know about you but when I remember events from my life I sometimes have a sound track to play along with my mental movie.  When I just broke up with someone I felt that Ben Harper had written every line of "Walk Away" with me in mind.  "You're Body is a Wonderland" was in my head the first time I kissed a girl once.  If I hear that song I think back to standing at that doorway and think to myself "damn Joseph, good one."  Someone who is very important to me and who I love very much has decided on a course of action that I don't agree with.  To put it more personally, I feel disheartened, sad, worried.  This person is making blatantly bad decisions that I fear will put their own health at risk.  I'm fearing the worst.  What can I do?  If there is one thing that I have learned in my life, its that I have no control over this person.  I don't have control over any person really.  Really.  I've found that if you do try to control the thoughts, emotions, or actions of another person they don't like it.  More so, they resent you for it and thus begins a very unhappy circle.  A vicious circle so its called.  But we've all been there before.  You care about someone and when you look at them you see potential.  I think this is one of the wonderful things about love.  Ask my Mom about me and she will tell you all about my potential for greatness--and my inability to do the dishes or keep my room clean.  When I think of the aforementioned person that I love,  I see what is the best in them.  I see a sea of potential, many possibilities to contribute great things to the world.  But the question is "Does this person see it in themselves?"  I think most people know exactly what I'm talking about here.  How many of you have loved someone with a low self-esteem?  How many of us have watched people we love harm themselves?   It creates a helpless, sinking feeling for me.  And that brings me back to Amos Lee's song.  We forget who we've got because we only see who we want.  We don't know who they are because we so much want them to be somebody who fulfills our needs.  Relationships (or as Dane Cook refers to them--Relationshits) come to mind here.  I can't tell you how much grief I've caused myself by an inability to reconcile who a person is in real life with my idealized mental imagery of them.   I've had problems with reality.  I think lots of people have problems with reality.  It can be a real MoFo sometimes.  Reality is omnipresent regardless of our acceptance of it.  It's life's singular constant  The reality of my situation is that a person I love is doing things that make me afraid.  I'm afraid because I don't want to lose this person in my life.  I realize that this person cannot live up to the potential I see in them.  This person can't see through my eyes.  So all I can do is continue to pursue my goals and dreams and to keep on loving this person.  It's tough, but this is what is required in life.